We Welcome You, Krispy Kreme

Share The American Tradition of Obesity with Your Family!!!

Krispy Kreme has finally touched down in China. And -- so so sorry suckers in Beijing -- we got the first one in Shanghai. Now we can inch closer to heart failure and obesity one sweet, sticky ring of goodness at a time.

On the big day, Tuesday, December 15, 2009, Shanghai was blessed with gray skies and the lovely pitter-patter of acid rain drizzle. Newly free from the constraints of office life, I decided to take some time out of my hectic morning of sleeping and see if I could be one of the first in town to snag a hot one. As luck would have it, this is the scene that greeted me as soon as I ambled up Wujiang Road to the steps of carb heaven:

"And here he is, Neil Yeung! Hooray!"

Throwing my hands the air, I clapped and cheered. "Thank you, everyone, I am here!" With gold and silver confetti adding glitter and sparkle cheer to the air, I felt like a prom queen. "I wanna thank God and my momma and..." Then I realized that I made it just in time for the grand opening ceremony. I swiftly lowered my arms and shuffled off to a corner before anyone could register my foolishness.

Drumming In The Rain

At the start of the queue, there was a huge flower wreath and a cute local girl at a kiosk. I walked up with a smile, for what other expression could a man have on his face when thinking about fresh donuts and cute girls? Looking down at an oversized, red autograph book like the one you'd find at a Chinese wedding, I asked if I needed to sign in. "Are you a VIP?" Sheepishly giggling, I asked, "Can you make me one?" Her expression remained blank and she thumbed me towards the regular line with all the other plebs. I still had my donuts.

Ahead of me, about a hundred other crazy people stood in line, waiting for a taste of those hallowed rings of paradise. For some, it would be their first. As my Krispy Kreme cherry had been popped many, many moons ago (I was young and impressionable! He said he loved me!), I knew what was in store. The last time my tongue had the immense pleasure overload of a fresh KK original glazed, I was at the Kuala Lumpur grand opening. Trying to catch the gooey sugar run-off of a fresh melting donut in the heat of Malaysian summer is as close to bliss as you will get. And I assure you, I am not a KK groupie who travels the world attending every grand opening. I'm just a right-time-right-place kind of guy. With a Krispy Kreme GPS tracker ;)

Equally Dedicated To Clogged Arteries

The Krispy Kreme brand name has been translated as 卡卡圈坊 (ka ka quan fang), which set off the immature scatological kid inside me, as we all know what "cacca" is [see: poo poo]. So KK has basically been dubbed "Poo Poo Ring Place" in China. Tee hee!

Behind me, an older Shanghai uncle was talking on his mobile phone to someone who was going to get a "whole box!" of these mysterious "ka ka quan" that he was waiting in line for. The uncle wanted a "ka ka quan" so badly he apparently mistook my ass for a sort of fleshy variety, nearly implanting himself into my backside as he tried to push and jostle his way past me whenever the queue moved. My temper was dulled for the sake of those donuts waiting for me at the finish line. And uncle was gentle, I have to admit.

The demographics of the queue were not what I expected. Aside from me, a dude two places ahead, and the guy at the front of the line who won a year's worth of free Krispy Kreme for the ridiculous endurance and stupidity it took for him to wait in the rain from 7 AM that morning (!!!), the line was very, very yellow. Nary an unemployed white face in sight. The only way I could weed out the non-Chinese were whenever strains of Japanese chatter would rise from the scrum, the expat obasans eager to use husband's money for a shot of sugar.

The crowds of photographers snapping pictures of all the crazy people got me momentarily paranoid. Oh no, would someone catch me playing hooky from work!? Oh wait, don't need to worry about that anymore, do I? Such good timing. I did notice a bunch of school-aged kids who were most definitely cutting class for this, but what better reason to miss important academic lessons than this?

Ahhhhh!!!!
All was well until she turned up and scared the everliving bejeezus out of me.

Nearly an hour after being so ceremoniously welcomed to the show, I reached the gates a little before noon. Crowd control, it must be said, was on target that day. Only a certain amount of hungry revelers were admitted at a time, which prevented all out rioting. Passing the unfortunate girl behind the entrance window who was chopping white chocolate chunks by hand (don't they have machines for that?), I stepped through the doorway.

~Chop chop chop, all day long~

Sorry, I totally paparrazi'ed you, Free Donut lady.

Madness.

It was small. Despite being two floors, the ground level is surprisingly cramped. And it wasn't because there were over fifty people salivating for a taste of a fresh kaka ring. In-store seating and wi-fi exploitation can be found on the second level, but the message on the first floor is simple: get your donuts and make room for the fatty behind you.

God Bless You, Happiness Makers

Am I the only one who gets grossed out by the sugar glaze recycling pit?

Once I inhaled my free donut, I slowly zig-zagged my way to the counter and ordered a dozen Original Glazed classic beauties (65 RMB for a dozen, 35 for half, 7 for one). As the rest of the fools around me wasted time picking out such ridiculously over-the-top creations like Green Tea, Cookie Crunch Cheese Cake, Triple Chocolate Walnut, and Hershey's Cookies & Cream (that poor girl at the window!!!), I just wanted my originals. There is simply nothing like it.

B-L-I-S-S

15 Varieties of non-Original Glazed
75 RMB for an Assorted Dozen, 45 for half dozen,
8 RMB per regular assorted ring, 9 RMB per creme/jam filled

Dude In Front Is SERIOUS About His Donuts

Walking out into the biting cold of the rainy day, I was called back to the head of the queue by an even cuter girl with a headset and clipboard. How official. Was she going to force the original cute girl going to apologize to me for being such an ice queen? I hustled over and gave a quizzical look.

"You bought a dozen, so you get to enter the lucky draw!"

Oh sweet heavens, a lucky draw! I scratched away the gray flakes of the lottery ticket and giggled with delight. As the first girl got off her high horse and handed me a brand new, freshly wrapped Krispy Kreme hooded sweatshirt, I thanked her. I was a VIP after all.


Krispy Kreme 卡卡圈坊
169 Wujiang Road 吴江路169号
near Nanjing West Rd metro station 南京西路站 (Line 2)
www.krispykreme.com.cn